New Mum Life 101

Category: Child Birth

  • My Baby Loss

    *TRIGGER WARNING* – this posts contains details of a miscarriage and baby loss.

    2 years ago today I gave birth to a baby boy, who was simply too good for this world. We called him ‘Bean’ as at the time we had him, we did not know his gender – we found that out at a postmortem 7 months later, where I was 12 weeks pregnant with my rainbow baby boy.

    No one can fully explain the feeling or experience of losing a child. It’s one of those ‘you won’t know until it happens to you’ scenarios. Now people do argue that miscarriages/ectopic pregnancies are not baby loss but they are. Life was still created and lost in those moments even if we don’t physically see it happen. I saw his heartbeat 4 times before that final scan to say he had gone.

    What was frustrating for me was that we got past 12 weeks thinking it was ‘safe’ but we were far from it…

    The problem is after that scan to say they’ve gone it’s not like they’ve just disappeared. You have that impending doom of having to birth them and there’s 2 ways in doing this – awake (natural) or asleep (surgically). I chose awake because I needed my brain to process what was happening, I had to make sure he was safe – as peculiar as that sounds.

    Now I’ve given birth 4 times including this one and I can officially say that this birth was the most physically painful for me. It felt like throughout it that my body was constantly fighting to not let him go.

    I’ll never forget the moment he arrived *skip this paragraph if you don’t want graphic detail*. It was 7:42am and I went for my ‘morning wee’ after being induced all that night on the maternity delivery suite and he silently came out into a bedpan inside his sac. The anti-climax of his arrival was baffling to me and he was taken to be ‘cleaned up’ and checked.

    At first I wasn’t sure on properly meeting him. I felt so scared on what to expect him to look like, but my wonderful midwife reassured me after seeing him herself that he was okay so we went ahead and met him.

    I have to mention that I am forever grateful that my husband stayed with me throughout this whole process and even now is supportive on the ‘bad days’ as I am with him. It’s so important men aren’t forgotten during these events as it’s their baby loss too.

    He looked nothing like I had imagined in my head. Straight away I knew he was my baby and that he was now safe and at peace despite the circumstances. We spent some time with him before we said goodbye and got him blessed by the hospital chaplain.

    Following this was the postpartum chaos that happens after every type of birth, which was another punch in the gut as there was no joy or endorphins of a new baby to help with that. There was just a silent missing piece to us all.

    There was a funeral for him, which was beautifully done and his ashes have sat in an urn next to my bed ever since we brought him home. We also have a memorial leaf for him at the local crematorium gardens.

    It has been bittersweet having this baby loss as without the loss we wouldn’t have our rainbow baby boy with us today – who we found out about around Bean’s due date.

    Life has a funny way of letting these things happen, but I trust that it’s all for a reason even if we can’t fully understand it yet.

    This post is in memory of our angel boy who is forever our brightest star in the sky.

  • My First Birth Story

    It’s about time I shared my birth stories and the first is the most significant for any woman’s journey into motherhood. It sets the bar on what to expect in any future pregnancies you may have so here is my first birth story:

    It was all very spontaneous. She came at 37 weeks + 6 days so she was a little earlier than expected but still perfect in every way.

    It all started with some intense Braxton Hicks on Saturday 29th May 2021, which then led to the ‘bloody show’ on Sunday 30th’s morning. After this things seemed to calm down but the loss of mucus was consistent until the early morning on Tuesday 1st June where I started getting regular contractions and I wasn’t sure if my waters had broken…

    I rang triage and they told me to come in at 3:30am where they checked us over and informed me that I was 3cm dilated with my waters still intact. After this I went back home to progress labour on within comfort and calmness, which worked because by 9:30pm the same day I was back in triage and told I was 6-7cm dilated!

    From this point, I was sent to the delivery suite and made comfortable there with various different items available to me. I chose to sit on the birthing ball for most of it with some gas & air and my partner rubbing different aromatherapy oils on my back to help manage pain and ease any anxieties I had. We had Smooth radio playing in the background and mood lighting set so that I was kept as calm as possible throughout birth.

    It was decided that once I arrived in the delivery suite that my next (and last!) check was going to be at 3:30am. Once this time came around the contractions were coming in closer and more intensely, but upon checking me the midwife could only say I was stuck at 6cm dilated… because of this it was offered that my waters were popped for me to speed things up and they weren’t lying about that happening!

    After having my waters popped the ‘change’ occurred and according to my partner the noises were ‘inhuman. The urge to push crept up on me really intensely and within 56 minutes from being checked I gave birth and came away with 1 degree tears and 1 stitch, which hurt way more than the birth itself!

    The song playing on the radio when she arrived was ‘Kiss From A Rose’ by SEAL, which was quite fitting for the moment!

  • Hypnobirthing – Did it Work?

    Yes is the simple answer to this.

    I used hypnobirthing through all 4 of my births (including the miscarriage) and I highly advocate the use of it making my experiences so positive and calm.

    To begin with, I used YouTube to start researching into it then I did a course with The Positive Birth Company in my first pregnancy and the tools from that stayed with me throughout all my experiences.

    The best things I found most useful were:

    • Breathe in for 4 – out for more.
    • Lavender oil.
    • Visualising.
    • Positive affirmations.
    • Dark room with fairy lights.
    • Own music playlist.

  • Let’s Talk About Birth

    Birth is a crazy phenomenon for women. It feels like you’re so close to death yet you’re bringing in new life into the world. 

    I have been lucky that all 3 of my full term births were natural, with 2 being water births. By the 3rd experience I did start to treat birth like a sport in wanting to beat the time I did it with my 2nd (which I did by ONE whole minute!)

    However, there is no right or wrong way to birth – the key is to make it out the other side alive with your baby. And to be honest, it is completely out of our control when a birth will happen. A baby comes when they’re meant to and sometimes that can be earlier than expected just as much as later. It’s an unpredictable minefield. 

    The best advice I can give about birth is to go with your own flow. Trust your gut! If something does not feel right then say so – nothing is too dramatic or stupid. If the pain is unbearable – ask for help. 

    I will share my birth stories on separate posts for those that are interested. Also, I’ll share the hypnobirthing methods I used across my births for anyone who wants some advice on that too.